Violence. Where does violence come from? Understanding it to protect yourself better

We often imagine it as sudden and unpredictable. In reality, violence usually sets in step by step, in stories where it already has a place. Understanding its mechanisms does not mean excusing it: on the contrary, it is the best way to spot it early and protect yourself.

When words fail

For psychoanalysts, violence often erupts where speech fails. A frustration, a humiliation, a fear of being abandoned that cannot be said is discharged in the act. Many perpetrators struggle to recognise and name what they feel: anger becomes the only language available.

Understanding violence never means excusing it.

Repetition is not inevitable

Freud described a “repetition compulsion”: what could not be worked through tends to be replayed. A child who grew up with violence may, as an adult, reproduce it or find themselves a victim again. But it is not inevitable: most children exposed to violence do not become violent, and many consciously choose to raise their own children differently. Psychological work makes it possible to turn what kept repeating into a story that can be told.

Why victims stay

The question keeps coming up, and it weighs heavily on victims. The reasons are many: fear of reprisals, coercive control that makes you doubt yourself, isolation, financial dependence, the children, real attachment to the person. Leaving is often the most dangerous moment. That is why leaving is prepared, with professionals.

Perpetrators can get help too

Since 2020, centres for the care of perpetrators of domestic violence have opened throughout France. They offer psychological follow-up and accountability groups, often following a court decision, sometimes at the person's own request. Recognising one's own violence and asking for help is difficult, but essential to protect those around you.

Witnesses have a role

Neighbours, colleagues, friends: those who see or hear often hesitate to step in. You do not need to be certain to report. A simple message, “I'm here if you want to talk”, can also mean a great deal to an isolated person.

This article is for information only. It replaces neither a consultation nor a diagnosis, which is a doctor's role.