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Society. Separating: getting through what comes after

Whether chosen or imposed, a separation turns everything upside down: daily life, housing, the children, one's self-image. A crisis that resembles grief, and takes time to become a new beginning.

By the Zone Psy Consultation editorial team·Published on ·6 min read
A path to rebuild, at your own pace.
Illustration · A path to rebuild, at your own pace.

In 2025, French family court judges granted more than 56,000 divorces, according to the Ministry of Justice. On top of that come divorces by mutual consent signed without a judge, through lawyers, as well as dissolved civil partnerships and separations of unmarried couples, which leave no trace in the statistics. Behind each of these break-ups are adults, and often children, whose lives change overnight.

A form of grief

Separating means losing a person, but also an imagined life, plans, a place, sometimes an extended family and shared friends. The emotions that follow often resemble those of grief: disbelief, anger, sadness, fear of the future, then gradually calm. They do not follow a set order and can come back in waves, on an anniversary, with a song, in a place.

The one who leaves is not spared: guilt, doubt, how others see them and the pain caused to the children weigh too. And the one who is left often experiences a deep sense of abandonment and loss of worth.

You do not get over a separation by turning the page, but by rereading the book.

The pitfalls of afterwards

In the first months, it is common to want to settle everything very quickly, or on the contrary to decide nothing at all. Some throw themselves into a new relationship so as not to feel the emptiness; others withdraw. Conflicts over money or custody can prolong the relationship in another form, endlessly. These are human reactions, but they sometimes prevent people from truly moving on.

Understanding so as not to repeat

Why this couple? Why this ending? What is being replayed from one relationship to the next? These questions are at the heart of the work in consultation. The aim is not to name a culprit, but to understand one's own part in the story, what one looked for in the other, what one may have repeated from one's own family. This work helps people rebuild and approach a new relationship more freely.

Looking after yourself during a separation

  • Surround yourself: friends, family, support groups, professionals.
  • Avoid major decisions in the heat of emotion.
  • Protect children from conflict: do not make them messengers or confidants.
  • Give yourself time: there is no "normal" timescale for feeling better.

Sources

This article is for information only. It replaces neither a consultation nor a diagnosis, which is a doctor's role.

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In an emergency in France: 15 (SAMU) · 3114 (suicide prevention) · 17 (police) · 119 (children at risk) · 112.